September 27, 2009 by perrycycle.

Last night, I was driving down Ventura Blvd., in the San Fernando Valley, looking for empty boxes to use for my move from downtown Los Angeles, where I’ve lived for seven years, out to North Hollywood. Next weekend, auto hunch, I made a left turn, thinking I’ll just drive up some of the alleyways and look for empty boxes. As I made the first left and what I thought was an alleyway, I saw it was a dead end. Standing near the building was a bunch of guys, who I immediately assumed was a gang. I put the car in reverse and began to back out. Suddenly I looked out the window, and comedian John Mader was standing there. He asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I thought this was an alleyway and I was looking for boxes for my move next weekend.

He told me that this was Lulu’s Beehive, where they do an open mic every Friday night. Then he pointed to an open parking space and said Park, come in and do a set. So I parked the car, and hung out with a bunch of comedians that I’ve known for many many years.

Since most of them already lived in the Valley. They were sort of surprised that I was actually moving out there from downtown. I explained that having a small child and no school for her to go to. We needed to move to a place that would be more suitable for her. And, had a pool. My daughter and I love to swim. Odds are we will be totally waterlogged within a year. Plus, I might actually get back into a human like shape instead of a shaped like a sloppily rolled joint shape.

Then Kevin, the host, told me it was my turn to go up.

Lulu’s is a small simple coffeehouse with a lovely young lady behind the bar serving coffee, soft drinks, and snacks. There was a small 4’ x 4’ stage in the corner by the front window, which looked out onto Ventura Blvd. There were maybe 15 seats in the little room, facing the stage area. When I went on the stage, there were six people sitting there. They were very nice, very responsive, and laughed at almost everything I said.

All in all, it was a good Friday night. I got to do is set, which means worked out new material. I got to see some of my old buddies, and mostly I didn’t get into any trouble.

So, if you live somewhere between Coldwater Canyon and Woodman in the San Fernando Valley and are very bored order Friday night, come out to Lulu’s Beehive on Ventura Blvd. It’s free, and you get to laugh at real comedians. And me too.

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August 9, 2009 by perrycycle.

Every night I scour Craigslist looking for gigs for comedians. I saw a listing that said, the best new comedy show in Los Angeles at the Fairfax Center Auditorium Every Friday night. I emailed the guy, explained that I was a professional of 30 years, and asked how much time I could get on his stage. He said he could put me up last and give me about 20 minutes. A few days later he sent e-mail saying that there were 13 comedians and that during the show, the audience was allowed to raise their hands and ask questions. When I got there, it was a large empty auditorium, except for folding seats and comedians standing around eagerly awaiting their turn. Before the show started, the producer, what looked like a cross between Hoss Cartwright and Richie Cunningham, explains that he will give everyone in the light at three seconds, and walk on stage at 10 seconds and shine it into your face. Which he did to a few people.

He had absolutely no jokes, no sense of humor whatsoever, except for standing there to dead silence, stating that it wasn’t about the comedy, we were there to make friends. And lose his place again and then he would stop, and lose his place again. There were no intros except for, possibly, pronouncing your name correctly. And that was if you were very lucky.

When the first comic hit the stage, a young man in an orange T-shirt, asked her why she thought she was funny. She attempted to answer his question. Then he broke in again, raised his hand and asked another stupid question. He admitted that he had been doing comedy for about three years. Eventually he got up, and had absolutely no idea what a joke was and got zero laps. During his set, his friend also an amateur heckler, kept standing up in front of the guy’s camera blocking its view.

When I got one stage, 13th, I began to pick on the location, the backdrop, the producer, and was getting laughs. No one asked me any questions. No hecklers. When I stopped talking, there was complete silence. But, I had to pick on the guy in the orange shirt. I nailed him about four or five times, and his friends were hysterical. Still no questions or hecklers. I talked about having a career spanning over 30 years, and that this was not my worst gig. However, it was very close.

About three minutes after I hit the stage. I asked, was that the light? Five minutes later, was that the light? When I finally Did get the light, I actually said thank you, what a relief. As I attempted to leave the stage, the host practically begged me to please sign up for next week and come back often. People in the audience were suggesting that I run quickly. After it was all over, I told Willie to call me if he ever gets a real crowd, and I could get a real 20 minutes of time.

It was a show I’ll never forgive.

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January 4, 2008 by perrycycle.

Hey kidz. I’ve spent the last 5 days trying to get a live video stream on my website, www.perrykurtz.com. It’s up and running. So, if you see me onscreen and MOVING, then I am sitting there awaiting your responses. Also, check out the gig schedule and stop by a live show if you’re in the Los Angeles area.

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